Preparing for surgery.

After making my decision regarding the bi-lateral mastectomy, I felt surprisingly calm. I had never had surgery before (besides my wisdom teeth, if that counts), so I didn’t really know what to expect. But I did know that I was excited to finally get this lump, that had haunted me for an entire year, out of my body.

In preparation for surgery, I researched everything that I could regarding what to expect after a bi-lateral mastectomy. I found that I would have little to know use of my arms for several weeks. Of course, this was very discouraging to hear since I had a very cuddly one–year-old who loved being in his momma’s arms. During this time, I also had to mentally prepare my husband for how the routine, that we had perfected over the last year, was about to be completely dismantled. And, he was going to have to do literally EVERYTHING.

The first thing that Caley and I had to determine was who was going to take care of me during those first few weeks when I would be completely helpless. Because he is a high school teacher, taking days off actually creates more work for him in the long run. For that reason, we decided that he would only take off Monday-Wednesday to care for me during those first two weeks. My mom, who is also a teacher, would take care of me on Thursdays & Fridays. We left week three open, since we weren’t sure what I would be capable of doing that point.

One of my dear friends also volunteered to set up a meal train for me. For those of your who are unfamiliar with meal trains, they are great. They are set up online and allow friends and family to choose specific dates to bring you dinner. Although I am sure that there are several sites, my friend used http://www.mealtrain.com. Because I am the main chef in our house and wouldn’t be able to cook, we desperately needed meals prepared. I love my husband, but we would have been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Freezing dinners ahead of time is also an option, but there is something extra special about a hot home-cooked meal. During this time, you many have family and friends wanting to help. This is a great way to give them that opportunity.

We also did a few things around the house in preparation for surgery. We borrowed a large, oversized, power recliner from a family friend because sleeping at a incline seemed like it would be more comfortable after surgery. My husband also insisted on installing a cheap bidet toilet seat since my limited arm use would mean that he would need to help me use the restroom. Some people thing bidets are refreshing, I think they are terrifying. But if it made my husband feel better about what he was about to face, then I was all for it.

My doctor’s office also gave me the option of ordering two front zipper camisoles with pockets for my drains. I thought this was a great idea so I bought them (But, I never used them). I also went to the goodwill and bought some button up shirts and jackets to wear around the house. These were a MUST have since I couldn’t life my arms above my head for a few weeks. I also made sure to have dry shampoo and bathing wipes because I knew that would not be able to shower while my drains were in place. I’ll explain drains later, they are horrible to say the least.

During this time, I also focused on wrapping things up at work. When I finished my last day at school, I felt relieved. I had left my substitute in a good place, which allowed me to shift my focus from work to mentally preparing for my surgery and upcoming treatment.

The Guidance office also threw me a ‘breakfast party’ as a send-off which made my feel very loved and supported. They also gave the this really creative ‘flower pot’ with a ton of gift cards to help out on the nights that I don’t have the energy to cook.

My best friend, Brooke, also came down from San Francisco to see me and offer extra support before surgery. Despite the distance between us, she has really made it feel like she has been right next to me during every step of this journey. She even sent me her ‘giving key’ which she received from her husband when they moved for her husband’s new job opportunity in San Francisco.

A ‘giving key’ is meant to be worn by an individual, who may be going through a difficult time in their life. It usually has an inspirational word engraved on it, and is supposed to serve as a tangible source of encouragement and strength. The engraved word on the key that Brooke gave to me was BREATHE. Now this was rather ironic because I have a history of forgetting to “breathe” in stressful situations. No really, I literally hold my breath and don’t realize it until I’m on the verge of passing out. Needless to say, this ‘key’ is extra special to me, and I have already worn it to many appointments. However, I am looking forward to the day when I can pass it on to someone else 🙂

Having all of these things made me feel super prepared and at ease about my anticipated recovery period. If you haven’t already noticed, I am the type of person that needs to feel prepared and in control (hence my constant need to research everything). Being diagnosed breast cancer has definitely forced me to take a step back and allow God to take the reigns. Cancer is big, but it is not bigger than God. I pray for healing every single day, but more importantly, I pray for God’s continued presence. The fear of the unknown will make this a lifelong journey, and one that will not end after my final treatment. However, God’s presence has brought additional peace and reassurance. Over the last several months, He has shown us His love in so many areas of our lives. We couldn’t be more grateful for what He has and continues to do for our family.

 

 

The next step.

Ok, it’s breast cancer. Now what?

Looking back, Caley and I had no idea about the world that we were about to dive into. We did not know much about breast cancer, about the terminology, or about treatment options. This was made evident by my first appointment with the general surgeon. My mother-in-law, Lisa, came with me to my appointment and thank goodness she was there to clarify the information and help ask questions. Within the first few minutes of speaking with the surgeon, I was completely lost. She used really big medical terms, spoke quickly and in a very matter-of-fact manner. Two minutes in and I was already having a a double mastectomy and then hysterectomy a couple years later. Wait, what? Slow down lady. I need to catch up.

At the end of our conversation, I felt like I had enough of the medical terms written down so I could research at home. After searching the internet, I was able to better understand my options. Because the tumor was still on the smaller side, I had the following options:

1. Lumpectomy with radiation- Only the tumor would be removed, followed by 4-6 weeks of radiation (5 days a week)
2. Partial mastectomy (with no radiation)-Only the affected breast would be removed
3. Bi-lateral mastectomy (with no radiation)-Both breasts would be removed

Although I did not know what surgery option I wanted, I did know that I did not feel comfortable with the surgeon that I had seen. She wanted to take the most aggressive course of action, I was not sure that I was ready for that. I called back to schedule a second opinion and was told that the Kaiser Sunset in Los Angeles is a multi-clinic and I could meet with a surgical oncologist (cancer surgeon) if I wanted. The thought of meeting with a surgeon who specializes in cancer seemed like a no-brainer to me. I made the appointment and started brainstorming all of the questions that I wanted to ask at that appointment.

Meeting with the surgical oncologist was a whole difference experience than my first appointment. I was prepared. I knew the lingo, and I had very specific questions that I wanted answered in order to make the most informed decision. Caley and I met with the doctor and her resident for over an hour. She was incredibly knowledgeable and even mentioned that if I went the mastectomy route, I may have the option of a skin-sparring/nipple sparring mastectomy  (I won’t go into detail, but you can look it up if you are really curious). The previous doctor had not even mentioned that option. At that moment, I decided that the surgical oncologist was going to be my surgeon.

The next couple of weeks were spent going back and forth regarding the type of surgery I wanted to have. Each surgery had its own risks, which made it incredibly difficult to decide. The other thing that made it difficult, was that my genetics test came back negative (which is actually a good thing). This meant that although they could not find a genetic cause for my cancer,  genetics could not be ruled out completely. Of course, if it is genetic, you have a higher chance of the cancer reoccurring.

Remember when Angelina Jolie had her prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy? It was because she carried a gene (BRCA) that put her at a HIGH risk for breast cancer. Although she didn’t have breast cancer at the time, she had the surgery for preventative purposes. I had told myself that if I had that gene, I would do the same. But I didn’t have it, so now what do I do?

Fortunately, we have a couple family friends who are also doctors and each one of them recommended that because of my age, I take the most aggressive treatment plan. After all, I still have a long life to live and we want to get all of the cancer NOW. This is also what the surgeons that I had seen recommended. In other words, that meant bi-lateral  mastectomy.

Initially, I wanted to keep the girls. Although I have never really been that attached to them, I gained new appreciation for them while breastfeeding my son. At that point, I had been nursing for a year and was about to start weaning. But the thought of losing the girls was still rather sad. My husband Caley constantly reassured me that he honestly didn’t care what I was going to look like, he just wanted me alive. Up to this point, I had shed several tears at thought of Easton growing up without a mother and Caley carrying on without his wife. I soon realized that I owed it to my husband, my son, and myself that I would do everything in my power to beat this cancer. Based upon doctors’ recommendations and my own personal convictions, my decision became clear. I would have a bi-lateral mastectomy, and that was it.

Because I was planning on having reconstruction done at the same time, finding a surgery date where both the surgical oncologist and plastic surgeon were available was difficult. We managed to get April 11th on the calendar which was over a month away. I hated that it was so far away, but it was the soonest they could get me in. In the meantime, I met with my plastic surgeon. (Needless to say, I had researched him too before selecting him). He confirmed that I would be a good candidate for the skin-sparring/nipple-sparring mastectomy and said that he could probably do a direct implant. This meant that I would not have to go through the expanders phase to re-stretch my skin after the mastectomy or have a guaranteed 2nd surgery to remove the expanders and insert the implants. However, he said that there would be a 50% chance that I would need a 2nd surgery to make corrections once everything ‘settled.’ My ears heard that there was a 50% chance that I would NOT need a 2nd surgery, and I loved that.

During this time, I continued to work (I am high school counselor). The distraction was nice and it kept my mind off of the fact that I had cancer. I waited before I was officially diagnosed before I mentioned anything to the other counselors. Obviously, they couldn’t have been more caring and supportive. I was also still busy being a mom and wife, and was in the middle of planning my son’s 1st birthday party. I got majorly carried away with food, decorations, ect., but like I said, the distraction was nice. We were also pleasantly surprised to find that Easton weaned without any problem. The kid loves to eat so I don’t think that he really cared where the food came from. Ending that chapter was bittersweet, but I was ready to have my body back.

Currently, I am seven weeks post-surgery and couldn’t be happier with my decision (I will do more into detail about surgery and recovery in my next post). The best piece of advice that I could give someone who has been recently diagnosed (and surgery is the next step) is to research. RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. Become familiar with the lingo and don’t be afraid to ask hundreds of questions. If surgery is not extremely urgent, meet with a few surgeons so you can gain a thorough understanding of all of your options. Also, try to keep your routine as normal as possible. Go to work, spend time with family and friends, go on a trip. Although it is important to give yourself the opportunity to process your emotions, you can also become easily overwhelmed by the fear and uncertainty that cancer brings. It can consume your mind. By having an outlet, you can take a much needed ‘break’ from these feelings.

In the end, your treatment plan is a personal decision that should take all factors (breast cancer type, doctor recommendations, personal concerns, ect.) into consideration. By really knowing your options and understanding how it will affect you long-term, you will be more confident in your decision. Do what is right for you and don’t look back. You have too much to fight for.

 

 

The lump.

I had first noticed the lump right after giving birth to my son (Easton), but with all the crazy changes that happen to your body during/after pregnancy, I figured that it must have been a clogged milk duct. Because the lump was not causing me any pain, I didn’t really worry about it for while. Like most new parents, Caley and I were in pure ‘survival’ mode. We were just trying to get through those really tough sleep deprived, poop-filled, ‘lets try not to kill each other’ first couple of months.

But every time I nursed, I was reminded that the lump was still there. Eventually, it became this concern that I just couldn’t shake. So of course I did what every normal person would have done. I went on Web MD.

My husband has made fun of me for years about my internet ‘self-diagnosing’ tendencies. In my defense, I never really diagnose myself. I just like to go on Web MD to determine my level of concern. But as you know, what you read on the internet usually makes you jump to the worst conclusion, so it usually makes no difference anyways. And in the end, everything is usually fine.

However, this time was different for me. Instead of assuming the worst, I went to immediate denial. Although my lump had many of the characteristics of breast cancer, I said “Nah, it isn’t breast cancer.” After all, I was 29 years old and I had no history of breast cancer in my family. Either way, I figured that I should still get it checked because it was not going away.

A few weeks later, I met with a doctor who didn’t think much of the situation. “It is probably related to breastfeeding. Come back in a year if it hasn’t gone away.”A year? That is a really long time. Immediately, I didn’t feel right about the situation. I saw another doctor a month later to get a second opinion. Like the first doctor, this one also didn’t seem too concerned. Except this time, I insisted on a referral to the breast clinic. (I am with Kaiser so there is a process for getting referred). I called the breast clinic and left a message to make an appointment, but never received a call back. My referral expired, and I was left back where I started. At that point, I was pretty much over it. I figured that the lump really must not be that big of a deal since two doctors already dismissed it.

A month or two later, I got an email at work informing employees of a “wellness drive.” Anyone who gets their yearly physical will be entered in a raffle to win a $200 gift card. Prior to this, I had already decided that I wanted to make physicals a yearly thing. Naturally, I thought that this was perfect because I could check my physical off of my to-do list and possibly win a gift card.  I figured the chances were pretty good since they were raffling off a significant number of gift cards. Leave it to my husband (the math teacher) to later inform me that my chances of winning were in fact, not very good. Oh well. At least it got me to back to the doctor, which is sometimes the hardest part.

Like any physical, the doctor asked me a number of questions regarding my health and if I had any health concerns. I figured that I should probably bring up my lump again.  I told her about my lump’s ‘history,’ so she took a closer look. In less than 15 seconds, she told me that she was really concerned about this lump, and I needed to see the breast clinic immediately. I told her about the last breast clinic referral debacle, and she had her nurse call the appointment center directly to ensure that I was seen asap. She was able to get me an appointment for the following week and told me about 3-4 times that I could not miss that appointment.

It was at that point that I knew it was probably cancer.

I went to the appointment at the breast clinic that next week and the specialist was also very concerned. She made an appointment with radiology to have an ultrasound to get a better look at what we were dealing with. That night when I came home, Caley asked me how it went and I just lost it in his arms. I told him how concerned the doctors are and how I needed him with me at that next appointment.

About a week later Caley and I were in the ultrasound room, with a really sweet ultrasound technician who tried to reassure me that they see lumps all the time and most of the time, it is nothing. After the ultrasound pictures were taken, we waited for about 20 minutes for the radiologist to review the pictures. He came in and told us that the pictures were interesting enough that he needed to do a core needle biopsy so that they could send it to a pathologist. At the point, the radiologist pretty much told us it was cancer without actually saying it.

The biopsy was NOT fun. Imagine a large needle shooting and retracting into one of the most sensitive parts of your body 3 different times to snag pieces of this thing that has been growing inside you. Needless to say, I hugged a bag of frozen peas for the remainder of the day. Since Easton was still at daycare, we decided to go to the movies to get our minds off of what had just happened. It was nice to enjoy some baby-free time with my husband, in an air conditioned theater, with my bag of frozen peas.

On Feb. 2nd, the pathologist confirmed that it was breast cancer. He said that based upon the size of the tumor in the ultrasound, it was probably stage 1, but they could not confirm the stage until after surgery. We found out that my breast cancer was estrogen positive, meaning that the cancerous cells are feeding off of the estrogen in my body. We also learned that the cancer was HER2 negative, which means that it is most likely not a fast growing cancer. Although we would later find out after surgery that it was actually more advanced (stage 2B, metastatic-meaning that it had spread), we were ready to take the next steps to get rid of this lump.

For us, the hardest part of these weeks was the waiting, the uncertainty of the situation. You know that your life is at risk, but you don’t know to what extent. You feel completely helpless. It is natural to ask “why me?” but I think fixating on that question leads to a very slippery slope that can quickly take your mind into dark places. Cancer does not discriminate, it happens to the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

Over the last couple of months, I have realized that staying mentally strong is going to be so important during this journey. Although my last name is ‘Strong’ (ironic, right?), I know that staying ‘strong’ is not going to be easy. There is no way that I will be able to stay in a positive headspace without the peace that comes from our Lord. I have been praying for God’s continued presence during this journey. He is the one who will give me the mental stamina to get through this challenging time. He has already given us an amazing community of family and friends and co-workers who have helped keep our family fed, who have driven me to countless doctor’s appointments, and who have provided endless prayers and words of encouragement. Caley and I have been comforted by the fact that we are not alone during this time. I want to personally thank you for your overwhelming generosity and continued prayers. God hears them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here we go.

When we first heard the words, “it is breast cancer,” my husband Caley and I decided that we would only tell our close family and friends. We did not know the specific challenges that would lie ahead, but we knew we needed support. REAL support. Support from people who were dedicated to joining us on this journey. Obviously, this included our families and closest friends. However, telling our family and friends was much harder than we ever imagined. Although there were many tears, emotions, and love shared in those moments, we decided that it would be best to keep our situation private for a while.

However, over these last few months, I have found myself reading countless breast cancer survivor blogs. Many of these blogs have been incredibly helpful, but I have found that there are very few blogs from women who have experience breast cancer in their 20’s and 30’s. Obviously, breast cancer among women my age is extremely rare. But, it does happen. For many women, your 20’s and 30’s is the time when you start your career, get married, and maybe have a kid or two. Cancer can really put a ‘damper’ on that. Surviving cancer becomes the focus of your life and it can be very isolating, no matter your age.

For this reason, I have decided to share my story.

For those of you who are just starting your journey with breast cancer, I hope that this blog brings encouragement and hope.

For other women my age, I hope this blog encourages you to be proactive with your health and get a physical every year. Don’t be afraid to get a second, third, fourth opinion.

For my amazing friends and family, I hope this blog serves as a way for you to stay updated on my progress.

 

With that said, here we go….