Once I finally accepted that I would lose my hair, I realized that I needed to figure out what I was going to do regarding a wig. To be honest, I didn’t know the first thing about wigs. I had never worn one, and I didn’t know anyone who had experience with wigs. Naturally, I went to my good friend, the Internet.
After spending countless hours researching wigs, I still felt pretty confused. To my surprise, the world of wigs is quite large. There are many different types (human hair, synthetic, monofilament, lace, ect), and and certain wigs can do things that others cannot. After reading and watching countless youtube videos, I was pretty sure that I wanted to get a 100% virgin human hair wig. Because these wigs are real human hair, I would be able to cut, color, and style the hair as if it was my own. Plus, they look completely natural. The only downside is that they cost thousands. Yes, I said THOUSANDS.
Being the penny pincher that I am, the idea of spending thousands on a silly wig was really difficult for me to digest. However, I eventually realized that this was not just a ‘silly’ wig, it was a wig that was going to give me back something I missed and longed for…normalcy. Plus, I was really concerned about my students once I returned to work. As of now, many of my students know that I have been out because I had surgery, but they don’t know that it is because I have cancer. As a high school guidance counselor, my focus is always on my students and I really want my office to be a safe and caring place for my students to cry, vent, and share their frustrations. Because of this, the last thing I want is for the attention to be on me. I’m sure they will have questions when I return, and I am not afraid to tell them the truth. However, I don’t want a change in my physical appearance to distract them or shift the focus to me. It has, and will always be, completely about them. That’s why I love what I do. And, is another reason why I feel like the human hair wig is the best decision for me and will make both my students and office feel as thought nothing has changed once I return.
The next challenge I faced was finding where I was going to get my wig. While researching wigs, many of the blogs that I read highly encouraged women to always try on their wigs before purchasing. Because I always like to feel 100% confident in my decisions, I thought that this made complete sense. My husband and I have always joked that I have to “date” ideas and things for a while before committing. This is why I have clothes that sit in my closet with tags for weeks until I decide if I really want to keep the or not. Most of the time, I end up returning them. Although my husband and I dated for 3 1/2 years before getting married, in knew he was the “one” after only a matter of months. At that point I had no intentions of returning him. And of course, he is still the best “purchase” I’ve ever made. He encouraged me to spend the extra money for the human hair wig so that I would feel my best, despite the circumstances. I was glad to have his support, however, the thought of spending the money was still quite difficult.
Based upon the advice I received through the blogs, I searched my area for custom wig shops. I found a highly rated wig shop in Newport Beach called Wig Therapy that works with several chemo and alepacia clients. I made an appointment for the following week. Although the I did not really know what to expect, I was really excited to be able to get my questions answered and learn more about this whole wig thing.
During my appointment I met with the owner and she told me that I had a few different options for a 100% virgin human hair wig. She said I could try on some pre-made ones that were on her shelf or select donated hair to be made into a custom wig. Trying on some of the pre-made wigs was actually a lot of fun. I even got to see what I look like with blonde hair.
However, I didn’t not really care for hair texture of the pre-made wigs, so I asked to see some of the donated hair that I could have made into a custom wig. She pulled out several pony tails, and I eventually found one which was long, very close to my natural hair color, and was very soft.
Unfortunately, this wig would take about 6-8 weeks to get completed. Because I still wan’t sure if I wanted to commit to a wig that cost thousands of dollars without trying on other synthetic wigs first, I asked if she could keep my preferred pony tail aside for a week before I made my final decision. And I was happy to find that she was more than happy to do so.
She also mentioned that she could also make me “halo” wig which was a partial wig made out of my own hair. In order to do this, she would need to cut my hair about a 1-2 inches short and sow into a fabric cap. The only drawback would be that I would have to wear it with a hat. But, it would only take approximately 5 days to make. Because I knew that I would be losing my hair about 12-14 days after my first chemo treatment, I thought that this would be a great option to hold me over while I waited for my “good” wig to be made. My hair was going to fall out anyways, so why not do something with it?
During that next week, I went to several different wig shops to try on synthetic wigs. I found that my biggest challenge was finding a wig that didn’t look matronly.
I soon realized that wig companies are not necessarily catering to the 20-30 year old population, and I knew that finding a wig was going to be tough. After visiting many wig shops, I could not find any wigs that I liked. I also read that long-haired synthetic wigs often fray easier, have to be replaced approximately every 6 months, and most can not tolerate heated styling tools. For these reasons, I decided that the human hair wig really did provide me with the long-term solution and styling options that I was looking for in a wig. However, I was pleased to find that the American Caner Society provides one free synthetic wig to cancer patients. I went into my local chapter and was able to find one that looked decent with a hat. The wig’s name was “Missy.” Yes, wigs have names.
A friend of my mom’s friends, who has alepacia, also let me borrow one of her unused wigs to see what it felt like to wear a higher-quality synthetic wig. Her wig was a monofilament wig, which made the synthetic hairs look like were coming directly out of my head. Although I liked the wig much better than the one I received from the American Cancer Society, I still liked the look of the human hair wig. Plus, the human hair wig could last me 4-5 years if I ever had to go through this experience again. Later that week, I contacted the custom wig shop and let her know that I would like to go ahead and have the custom wig made with the hair that I had selected, and cut my hair to be made into a halo wig. In the meantime, I enjoyed my last few days with long hair. We went to Palms Springs for Mother’s Day weekend and even gave Easton his first hair cut. I told him we would be twins. Needless to say, his first hair cut was a challenge.
May 12th.
The day to cut my hair was finally here, and I was nervous to say the least. From other blogs I had read, many described watching their long hair fall out after chemo was a very messy, physically painful, and traumatizing process. For this reason, I knew that cutting my hair short before the “falling out process” began would make things easier for me in the long run. One of my good friends also told me about her mother cutting her hair prior to chemo because it made her feel in control. As in, she was taking her hair, not the cancer. I really liked this idea and felt empowered by this thought. I knew that when it came time to take the first snip, I wanted to be the one to cut the first pony-tail, followed by Caley snipping one or two.
To begin the cutting process for the halo, the owner separated my hair into several tiny ponytails. Once they were all divided, the owner handed me the scissors and let me go at it. After cutting a couple, I gave Caley the scissors and he cut a few. The owner finished the rest, and before I knew it, my hair was completely short. She left a few longer hairs in the front to give the appearance of bangs since those hairs were too short to use in the halo. Seeing myself with short hair was definitely not as traumatizing as I had previously thought, but it was reassuring to know that I would be getting the comfort of my long hair back in just a few days.
And exactly five days later, I received my halo. At first, it was definitely weird seeing my hair, especially because it was not attached to my head. However, as soon as I tried on the halo, it seemed like I was reunited with an old friend. I was relieved to find that with a hat, I looked just like my old self. Because the hair was attached to the outside of the cap, it made it difficult to find hats that fit the new circumference of my head. But, I did find a few. I am very happy with my decision to get the halo, and would be something I totally recommend to other women with long hair who want a temporary option. I know that wearing both my halo and hat will eventually get too hot this summer, so just wearing light head wraps around the house and my “good” wig when I go out will be my best option for staying cool.
Of course, I felt like it was only appropriate to give my halo a name. 
Because I already had “Missy” I wanted to keep the “M” theme. Just recently, I visited my best friend up in San Francisco who still calls me by my college nickname, “Mendie” (my maiden name was Mendez). At that point, it clicked. I was going to nickname my halo “Mendie.” I felt like it made sense since my halo hair had once literally been a part of me. Gotta keep things fun, right?
Overall, I felt as though my hair cutting experience was a small way for me to take control despite my very uncertain circumstances. It also allowed me to finally say goodbye to the “old” Kelley, and hello to the “new” Kelley, who is constantly be changed and shaped (mentally, emotionally, and physically) through my experiences with cancer. The good news is, my hair will eventually grow back. But what I will not get back, is the the old Kelley. Cancer definitely changes your perspective and outlook on life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. However, with God’s help, you can help determine the course of your outlook. Cancer in no way is a “gift,” but there are definitely lessons than can be learned through experiencing this horrible disease. Positive ones. Like learning how to focus on the importance of relationships over “things.” Like learning to appreciate and live every day like it is your last. And finally, understanding that living a “full” life isn’t about the number of days you live, but how you make each day count. That is my hope for you and anyone who is facing less than ideal circumstances: Make each day count and remain grateful for the life you have been given, no matter how challenging it may seem at times.
On a separate note, my aunt Deanna was nice enough to create a GoFundMe page to help raise money for my wig and other medical expenses. Please do not feel obligated, but if you would like to contribute, you can visit the page at:
https://www.gofundme.com/24h6jtb8
Thank you for all of your love and support!
strongandgettingstronger 